What are my fears?

11 Dec 2020 { openness startup honesty }

When we step outside our comfort zone to try something new, it opens us up to the possibility of failure. Fear of failure can be crippling. Becoming an open educator is new territory for me, and it’s inevitable that these experiences will be uncomfortable as well as exciting.

I don’t want to be held back by fear, so it’s time to look at what I’m so afraid of, and challenge myself to change perspective on my fears

So what could go wrong? Here is a (by no means complete) list of my fears and worst case scenarios, and how I am reframing them to help me move past the fear and take action.

Being ignored

Worst case scenario: No-one adopts my OER, shows an interest in what I’m doing, or wants to join me

It would be demoralising to discover that others don’t see any value in the ideas I think are so novel and interesting. Equally, failing to engage collaborators or build a learning community would mean I’ve wasted my time. I also worry that it will take so much effort to build relationships with those who are interested that I won’t have energy for the work itself!

Alternative viewpoint: By taking the plunge, I might discover that what I’m doing is actually just what is needed, and no-one else is doing it yet! People I’ve never heard of may join me as allies and collaborators, allowing us to achieve more together. This is one of my main motivations for switching to open

Being exploited

Worst case scenario: My OER are used by a commercial company who successfully exploits them, whilst obscuring access to the original, free version

At the other end of the spectrum from being ignored lies the possibility that others will take credit for my work, and reap benefits that I feel are my dues. Depending on the open licence I choose, I might be able to challenge them in court, but either way it would be deeply frustrating and feel like I am failing both the community whom I trying to help, and myself, for not managing to protect my OER and earn a living from it.

Alternative viewpoint: By applying skills and involving networks that I lack, more diverse commercial activity could radically increase the reach and impact of my OER, even if I’m not given credit. Startups based on my OER could provide an alternative livelihood to those in struggling economies, and I would welcome that

Making mistakes

Worst case scenario: That I’ll be exposed as a failure, and my mistakes will be out there for anyone to find, in perpetuity

We all make mistakes. When those mistakes happen in the open rather than in a safe, contained space, the risk feels far greater. I’m becoming more comfortable with making mistakes when teaching. I know it’s valuable for learners to see that you can be an expert, and have confidence in yourself, without being infallible or all-knowing. I need to go through this same mental and emotional process for working in the open.

Alternative viewpoint: Everyone fails at some point, especially entrepreneurs! Making mistakes and failing is nothing to be ashamed of. What matters is what you do next, as my mentors at IgniteNI remind me. Making mistakes in public, or talking about them openly, increases the chance that others will learn from them, or even advise on how to avoid them in future. The more public a mistake, the more likely people will see it, and the more positive influence it could have!

Criticism and judgement

Worst case scenario: People will criticise me: my approach, actions or beliefs

No-one likes to be criticised, especially if the criticism feels unfounded. I fear being judged, both in general and more harshly judged as a consequence of people not knowing the context of my actions, or me as a person. This is more likely when working in the open, as people will learn about my work through various routes, not just directly from me.

Alternative viewpoint: I can learn from criticism as long as it is specific and I approach it with an open mind. I can ignore criticism that doesn’t help me improve. I think the likelihood of being trolled is low

The unknown

Worst case scenario: That I will inadvertently expose myself and my collaborators to unknown future risks

The good old “unknown unknowns”. Changes in social norms, laws and the political landscape could all affect the future viabilty and risks of our work, but to devote energy to worrying about this is futile!

Alternative viewpoint: As a result of our work, unforeseeable positive consequences and opportunities could arise for me, my collaborators, and those we seek to help

Summary

It’s clear to me that many of these fears are natural, evolved responses underpinned by the fear of rejection, and exacerbated by the reach and anonymity of the internet. We’ve evolved to trust people we know (family, neighbours), and distrust strangers until we have ascertained common ground. To work openly is to extend trust beyond those with whom you share a physical or closed virtual space, to a faceless, numberless ‘many’. Working openly feels like a performative action - I’m no longer just trying to do my best for those with whom I have a compact, but am courting the attention of the world.

Tackling my fears will become easier with practice, and support from others who believe in the power of open. Simply being aware of different interpretations is the first step to changing my viewpoint See last week’s post for my hopes for adopting open educational principles.